my m.s. trek
the big change
during the first quarter of 2026, i had multiple hospital bracelets in my junk journal. by the beginning of the second quarter, i was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.
if you don't know, ms is a chronic illness where the immune system turns on itself, attacking the brain, spinal cord, and nerves. it disrupts the signals between the brain and the body, like a wire losing its insulation. for me, that looked like relearning how to do simple tasks, some days being harder than others, & rebuilding trust with a body that felt suddenly foreign.
m.s. has taught me to slow down and smell the roses as a daily practice. i stopped rushing through life because rushing was and is no longer an option. that has changed my art in ways i didn't expect.
i used to go go go, creating an entire painting in a single all nighter. now i move with intention.. and i've realized that's where the real work lives. i have to live a life to create art that means something to me.
i have to let myself feel the loss, the confusion, and the unexpected joy. i have to allow play and happy accidents to land without judgment. m.s. reminded me that creativity, like healing, doesn't follow a schedule. it asks you to show up, be present, and trust the process even when the outcome is uncertain. these art pieces are grown in that in-between place.. where grief and gratitude, fear and freedom, and love and loss live..
i am grieving two lives at once.. the one i knew before, and the one i imagined i'd have. that kind of grief doesn't follow a straight line. but somewhere inside of it, i found something i wasn't expecting: presence.
grown with intention from the vine.
- luelle